Rites of Passage: Boys Need to Be Initiated into Manhood

July 2024, Taking my annual jump with my sons

I believe boys need to be initiated into manhood. This requires intentional fathering. Since the first of my three sons was born, a powerful piece of this fathering has been creating rites of passage—sacred moments, events, tests, skills, and gifts that move my sons forward in the masculine journey.

I’ve been figuring this out as I go, creating rites of passage as my sons grow and as I grow as a dad. I started with a two-night father and son backpacking trip with my firstborn son, Cru, at age three (photo below). Cru learned how to carry his own backpack, pitch a tent, build a fire, stargaze, and carve his name into a tree. I repeated this initial rite of passage with each of my sons, and crafted new rites for each year (mostly) of their lives.

Cru at age three, first rite of passage with dad. 

Last week my firstborn son turned 18—an age I’ve always been aiming for as a father, the age where I formally recognize a boy becoming a man. For this rite of passage I gathered a group of good men who know and love Cru to speak a blessing over him. An uninitiated man from a very long time ago, Jacob, found it difficult to move forward without an authentic blessing from his father “I will not let you go until you bless me” -Genesis 32:26. Similarly, I believe sons need to be blessed by their dad and by other older men.

For this climactic rite of passage each man thoughtfully prepared words of blessing/encouragement/counsel and showed up ready to speak these words into my son’s heart. One man flew in all the way from the east coast just to do this. I also assembled these blessings in written form, including blessings from some men who were unable to attend the event, and I’m compilng these sacred words into a keepsake binder/book for my son. I had the two patriarchs, my son’s grandpas, speak at the end. And then I spoke last. And cried. Finally, we all laid our hands on Cru’s shoulders. The grandpas prayed for Cru, then I prayed and, in the presence of God and this great company of men, I declared my son a man.

Cru at age 18, a climactic rite of passage with dad and other men.

Time will tell the story of the impact of these rites of passage. My hunch is that God is using these rites to do a deep thing in my sons’ hearts. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” -Proverbs 22:6.

I may finally be getting close to having time to write again…to write more here, and to write books again. One day I’d like to write more about my rites of passage and about fathering sons. We’ll see.

If you’re a man who never received a “blessing”, let me know if I can help you as you keep finding your way as a man in this wild world. Our world desperately needs good men, and God can use you much more than you think he can.